D3 body, D1 cock
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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