Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
