Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
why do cheetos always look like penises
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
