Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
