kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
