Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
