Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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