I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
