I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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