I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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