I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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