Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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