spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
only you would photoshop your dick
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
