This is not my ceiling
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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