all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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