i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
