My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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