How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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