Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
