theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
