We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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