You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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