NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
smell my finger.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
