he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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