I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
