now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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