i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
