i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was born a porn star she said
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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