I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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