Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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