how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
