I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
