Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
