I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
