Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
