dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
