dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
as a side note pls kill me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
