Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
