Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
