ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
