He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
