my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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