I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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