Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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