Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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