just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
