So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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