i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
