...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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