Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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