and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
