i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
