If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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