oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
